Operation: Decepti Freedom

Timmy, the kid across the street, and I had been in negations for years now. War was inevitable. He refused to hand over the Megatron figure, which was mine to begin with. According to his little brother, he lost it. I knew it's there though. And by Mega Man, I'd get it back...

Firstly, I needed to send out some reconnaissance. Taking a radio controlled toy car, I added a camcorder with some Play-Doh. I sat downstairs by the front door for hours waiting for the Play-Doh to harden. As soon as it had, I set it on the sidewalk outside and ran to my room upstairs. Pulling out the antenna of the remote control, military/commando style, I duck below the window facing Timmy's house just far enough that only my eyes peeked over the ledge. I start the car out slowly moving it up and down the drive way to test the connection. It seemed okay. Once back in front of my house, I moved it into the street. It was immediately ran over by a car. Crap. Dad'll be pissed about his camera.

Plan B: Footwork.

I still needed to get some more information on Timmy, but without a camera, I'd have to do some dirty work. I made sure to set my alarm clock for early the next day. I snuck out the back door, across the street, and into Timmy's yard before he was up. Shortly thereafter, Timmy's mom came out the front door. Hi there, Stevie. Timmy isn't up yet, but you can wait there until he gets up. She got into her car and left for work. I stood up, dusted myself off, and strolled into the back yard. I started to climb up the white, crisscrossy thing with the flowers wrapped around it. Again, I find movies and television had lied to me. I was only a few feet off the ground before it broke off above my hands and I fell into the flower bed. Getting up and dusting off again, I look around for a new Idea. There was a Playskool see-saw in the yard and when I saw it, cartoons started playing in my head. If I just could have found something heavy enough, I could have chucked it onto the other side of the see-saw, and I would've flown up on to the house. But it would have to had been heavier than I was for this to work. How could I lift something that big and throw it. A few hours later, I snapped back into consciousness. By that time, painters had come by to do the house. I jumped onto their ladder and made it to the top of the first story. I passed one of the painters and looked into Timmy's second floor playroom. Scattered Lego pieces, G. I. Joe arms, and Lite-Brite lights were all over the floor. Timmy was on the other side of the room playing Zelda, and was completely immersed in the game. Then I saw it: In an opened toy box, what very well could have been Megatron's arm was sticking out of the random G. I. Joe, Transformer, and rip-off figures. That's it: This was a declaration of war.

I knew it would be messy; I knew the other kids in the neighborhood wouldn't like it or back me; I knew my parents would protest... but it had to be done. I walked back to my room standing tall. I called Timmy to let him know he had 48 hours to return Megatron before I may take action. Right after I hung up, I started blowing up the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles blimps and charging up my Super Ninja Robot Ferrets. The troops will be ready in two days. I'm coming Timmy...


I don't have your stupid Megatron. I think you should give me YOUR Optimus Prime!

His demand was ridiculous. Prime would never leave my room. Twenty-four hours after making my ultimatum, Timmy started to prepare for war. He set up G. I. Joe and various rip-off vehicles on the roof in front and on top of his toy room window; each with bright orange, spring-propelled, surface-to-air missiles. It looked like he had put something in the gutters of the house, too. I couldn't make out what it was at the time. Timmy may have been a little snot, but he was clever enough to camouflage his gutter-surprise with leaves and dirt. Timmy's window was shut tight. Specks of gold and silver shined brightly from his roof top. He must have set up remote firing agents. I guess Timmy got a Little Professor's 'My First Servo and Diode' Play Set last Easter, as well. He obviously wasn't prepared to give back my Megatron.

The blimps were blown up and ready to go; the ferrets were at full power; remote controls had been taken apart to add to my servos and diodes... I was almost ready. I paced back and forth waiting for him to crack and send over Megatron. I planned to stay up that night. I just paced... back... and forth... for hours. The whole scene is just a blur now. All I remember is the Muppet Babies singing another cheerful tune right before I told them what fools they really were and pulled the plug on the television. I woke up around eight in the morning using the Nintendo as a pillow and my Alf window curtains as a blanket. I got up and ran to the window to survey the soon-to-be battle ground: No changes.

With less than 12 hours until the deadline was up, I started to prepare my Super Ninja Robot Ferrets. I only had to program one ferret with the plan; he could train the rest. The Turtle blimps would go first to implement the air campaign and take out what they can. Afterwards, the ferrets would storm the house. The first wave would take the front porch to make Home Base. They would be able to make repairs, recharge damaged troops, and keep enemy troops held captive. The second wave would climb the support beams of the porch to take the roof. If the air campaign wasn't too successful, it would take the bulk of the ferrets to take the roof. Once the roof and porch were taken, all that's left is the toy room. The third wave was programmed to brake through the window and enter the room. First, they'd take out any other enemy troops in the inside. With so many enemy positions outside the room, very few were expected inside. After taking hold of the toy room, they only had to transport Megatron back to my room. They were well equipped and programmed for the job. I kept a forth ferret infantry separate from the others in case something went wrong or if something unexpected came up.

After programming the ferrets, I checked the blimps. They were all full and floating a few inches off the ground, tied to Creepy Crawler metal molds to keep them from making it to the ceiling. Each blimp held two, heavy, orange, non-explosive bombs. Each bomb connected to remote triggers. Each trigger set up to my Little Professor's 'My First Servo and Diode' control box. I would be able to control the release of each bomb from the safety of my room. An air campaign immediately followed by a ground campaign; constant attacks until I reach my goal. It's genius, I kept telling myself.

With everything set up, I went back to watching Timmy's window. I saw him looking back at me. As soon as he saw I was back at my window, he grinned evilly. He pulled up a Sound Wave figure and a book of matches. He turned his head to the side slightly and eyed me with an upturned eyebrow. Just a threat, but a serious one. The world's Transformer figures are important to everyone. Destroying them would be sad and upsetting for kids everywhere. This wasn't going to stop me though. It just made me move faster...

Timmy had only minutes to back out and turn over Megatron before we were officially at war. My parents were still trying to make me put my troops away, but to no avail. I had waited too long with no results to back down now. They did make me wonder if I was going about this the right way, though. All these troops, all this planning... even to an eight year old it seemed a little weird. As I was thinking, it happened; there it was: I could see it through the front window. Megatron. Timmy apparently just threw him on the ground to get to other figures. I was given the opportunity; I had to take it. Only minutes after the 48 hour deadline was up, green blimps leapt into the air and out my window. They glided slowly across the street towards Timmy's house. Once they were in the air, Timmy's eyes widened; coming straight towards him was a green wave only birds could surf stretching out as far as the eye could see. It was like a metaphor or something. Seeing that I certainly wasn't playing, Timmy snapped into action, sending Lego men out to reinforce the Joe protective barrier. Covered in plastic helmets and wielding tiny, grey swords, the Lego men were positioned by each vehicle to assist in firing if the remote failed. I assumed they were also there to fight hand-to-hand if the situation presented itself. After the Lego men were set up, Timmy looked more at ease, but only for a while. As the blimps made their way closer to his house, he saw that they didn't just carry bright orange bombs, but Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Paratroopers. After seeing Timmy threaten to aflame Sound Wave, I stepped up the first assault. The ferrets had to be victorious. To lighten their load, the Turtles would try to take out as many troops on the roof as possible. Still, they were few, their joints were over-used and loose, and I had to scramble to get them each weapons. None had their original ninja weapon; some had hand-me-down weapons from the troops before them and others had swords from other units' soldiers taped to their hands. They would most likely fall to the ground below, breaking their plastic casings. There was little doubt that they would soon be in a garage sale; but it was worth the risk. These brave Turtles would not brake in vain. It took close to half an hour for the blimps to make their way to Timmy's roof... the battle had started. Plastic missiles fell to the ground like a Nintendo controller after playing too much Marble Madness. Lego heads and legs flew into the air like the die in a Pop-o-Matic from the game Trouble. Plastic swords and guns made their way across the street like so many metal hats and wheelbarrows across the room after family game nights. Oh, the Monopoly!

Heavy casualties were taken on both sides. Few of my blimps had made it to Timmy's backyard, none of the Turtles made it in one piece. About half of Timmy's force remained. It was more than I wanted to keep standing. I wasted no time in deploying the first wave of ground troops. The ferrets went into action, diving out my window onto the ground and scurrying across the street. In no time, they were in Timmy's yard approaching the porch. Just as they were about to climb the steps, Timmy unleashed his gutter surprise. Slime from so many Ghostbusters sets oozed from their containers onto the ferrets. The slime made its' way into their circuits and joints, slowing them immensely; some stopped in their tracks. Only a third of the ferrets made it to the porch; the rest stuck on and in front of the steps. Programmed to only help the troops in the following waves, the ferrets on the porch waited for the second wave to start. I had underestimated Timmy. He was smarter than he let on.

Even with the loss of much of the first infantry Super Robot Ninja Ferret brigade, I gave the word to start the second wave as planned. They flew from the window like the last team and made it to the others. Instead of trying to go over the frozen and stuck ferrets, they went to their sides and climbed up the support beams making their way to the roof. With no other surprises, it was little work for them. Once at the roof, the second battle took place. Some of the enemy vehicles had no more missiles to fire. They took the only action available to them: They took off the brakes and ran into any ferrets in their path, taking them to the ground with them. Again, I was taken back by the tactics of Timmy and his troops. They were crude and old, but highly effective. The battle was over quickly, with the remaining Lego troops surrendering to the ferrets. The roof was secured, and the third wave commenced. They followed the second wave perfectly and were at the window very quickly. The leading ferrets used their tails to break the glass tot Timmy's toy room. Timmy ran to the back corner and watched in awe; shocked that such an attack could take place. Still, he had one more surprise. All over the floor were Weebles; apparent human shields. They held no weapons and had done nothing wrong. The Weebles, forever standing, wobbled back and forth taunting the ferrets. Splattered among the Weebles were soldiers from all over. He-man, Aliens, Go-Bots, M.U.S.C.L.E., even the chair from Pee Wee's Playhouse. To get to Megatron, the resistance would have to be quelled. I had not programmed the troops to injure innocent civilians, but they were being fired upon from behind the Weebles. The ferrets clung to the walls and spat Super Robot Ninja Ferret stars at the enemy. The stand off lasted almost a full hour. In the end, the resistance had been taken care of. No civilians had been harmed in the battle, all the enemy troops had been defeated, but few ferrets were left. The troops left standing started to plan a path across the walls to Megatron, trying to find a way around the many posters that decorated the room. In a last ditch effort, Timmy pulled out a Nerf bow. Amazingly, he was able to knock out the last two ferrets. The third unit had been destroyed. Units one and two needed to keep their positions to stop any counter attack that Timmy could throw together. At this point, I wasn't taking any chances. With no choice left, the fourth ferret unit was on the loose. This final unit was small, but new and fresh. Following the troops before them, they made it quickly to Timmy's toy room. He only had one arrow left, but he made it count. The Nerf arrow flew across the room and hit a ferret, knocking him into another, and pushing both out the window. They rolled off the roof and fell to the ground. The ferrets broke into two different divisions. One made its' way to Timmy, the other to Megatron. I could hear Timmy shriek as the shiny, red-eyed devils came at him. In the heat of battle however, Timmy took out the ferrets barehanded; some crushed under foot, others smashed against a wall. It was a distraction well made, though. Megatron was all ready on the roof. I saw Timmy make his way to the door. I did the same. We both reached our front lawns at the same time and ran as fast as we could towards the prize. Timmy swept up some slime from his porch while running, and threw it at the ferrets carrying Megatron: Direct hit. In the middle of the street was three Super Robot Ninja Ferrets holding a Megatron, stuck in green ooze. Timmy and I both dove from the sidewalk as if in slow motion, flying right at each other. Neither of us made it very far into the street. Getting back up, we started running again and met in the middle of the street. We both grabbed Megatron from the ferrets at the same time and started a vicious game of tug-of-war. People came from their houses to watch, only to find they weren't interested and go back inside. After a few tugs and spins, Timmy fell to the ground. Fine. Take your stupid toy. Megatron in hand, I turned my back to Timmy and walked towards my house. Once at the walkway to my front door, I threw a fist in the air and jumped as high as I could. I tripped and fell on my face, breaking my nose and chipping two teeth. Megatron was fine.